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Christadelphians Declared Endangered Species

We regret to announce that The Christadelphians have been officially declared an Endangered Species and that steps are being taken to avoid possible extinction.

Several elaborate conservation programs have been constructed by the Christadelphians themselves, in an effort to reverse the current downward trends. These programs have been running for several decades with varying success.

First and foremost is the comprehensive breeding program, also known by such acronyms as CYC, SYP, etc. Young males and females are regularly herded into a large enclosure for up to a couple hours at a time for a course of Identity Reinforcement, followed by food rewards to encourage pair-bonding between males and females. Individuals who pair-bond with another of the same sex are swiftly released back into the wild, as organisers deem them to be unsuited to the goals of the breeding program.

The success of such breeding programs has been phenomenal, as mating pairs produce offspring that are in turn enrolled into the program and so the cycle repeats for each generation. Numbers of offspring exceeding 10 in a single family have been recorded! Mating pairs that do not produce offspring are regularly interrogated to determine whether further assistance is required.

Also somewhat successful are the obedience classes for the young, where each Sunday they are taught to sit, stand, and beg (also known as "praying"). In some cities, these classes have been followed up with extended programs consisting of roughly 12-13 years of further Identity Reinforcement, designed to prevent individuals from ever inter-breeding with other species or adapting to other environments later in life. Some have raised concerns about a lack of genetic diversity but most Christadelphians appear to be committed to a strict in-breeding policy for now.

The majority of Christadelphians today are born and raised in captivity, and tend to gather in small herds, or flocks as they prefer to call them. We think the analogy seems appropriate.

Despite the various conservation programs their numbers remain perilously low. There have been rumours of continuing decline, prompting many to ponder what a world without Christadelphians might look like (or whether anyone would even notice the difference). Organisers have traditionally responded to such fears by building higher fences, increasing punishments for disobedience, and intensifying the sessions of Identity Reinforcement, but will this be enough?

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