Skip to main content

Christadelphian Returns From The Future, Reveals Details Of Afterlife

Reports are beaming in about a Christadelphian messenger from the future kingdom on earth who has returned to reveal various details of the afterlife.

Among those details is the stunning revelation that the kingdom will actually consist of several ecclesial halls where the immortal saints will be required to attend talk after talk followed by light refreshments and discussions with friends about pointless gossip. The males will be required to give talks and do occasional readings from the Bible, while females will be required to wear hats, wash dishes, and maybe play an approved instrument chosen from a small list.

The various appointments will be periodically voted on by the saints to determine which males will perform which duties over the following year. The females will simply continue doing the same things they did the previous year.

From time to time, there will also be "song and praise" evenings where those who think they can sing will perform various cacophonies to those who know they can't. These too will be followed by more light refreshments and pointless gossip.

In between meetings there will be opportunity to go on outings to various venues featuring a large oval and organised sports. Members will be assigned to teams and will follow the planned schedule, before gathering to listen to yet another talk followed by still more light refreshments and, you guessed it, more pointless gossip.

The reaction from Christadelphians upon hearing this news has been mixed. Some are delighted at the realisation that their current Christadelphian lifestyle really is preparation for the kingdom soon to come. Others seem a little disappointed, for reasons we've yet to work out. This is what they signed up for, isn't it? They do these activities every week - so we assumed they enjoyed it.

As we go to press, the Christadelphian membership numbers have mysteriously dropped by half, with more resignations predicted to follow. We're all a bit surprised. We thought they would have been happy with the news.

Popular posts from this blog

Fun Facts About Christadelphians

Today we bring you a selection of fun facts you probably had no idea you were missing until now.

Greek New Testament Fully Reconstructed From Christadelphian Lectures

Breaking news: Scholars have managed to reconstruct the entire Greek New Testament text by piecing together all of the Greek words mentioned during Christadelphian lectures.

Prayers To End Covid Accidentally Delivered To God Who Created It

An unfortunate switchboard error has resulted in all prayers for the Covid-19 pandemic to end being sent to the god who created the pandemic rather than someone who might actually be able to help.